A few years passed and although no babies had come along we were progressing well professionally and socially. Life was vibrant so we did not feel the gap so much. Then in 2010 we decided to up the effort and I began the ovulation tracking nightmare that I am sure most women who are TTC are familiar with. We read endless websites, tried every old wives tale, tip and trio without success. Everyone told me I had to relax, that it would happen eventually and that I was to be confident and wait for the baby to arrive. I knew deep down that things weren't right and that we needed to see the doctor.
I finally managed to get to the doctor early 2012 and we had all of the preliminary testing done. James was identified as having a lowish sperm count but nothing that would stop natural pregnancy and I was diagnosed with an under active thyroid that could be contributing to the infertility and I would need to start thyroxine. Everything else was normal.
The doctors were adamant that thyroxine takes months and months to work and that I would need to wait 6
I had the good fortune to meet Sir Robert Winston in this period of time and I asked him for some advice and he said just to continue loosing weight as this impacted things a great deal, he told me to ignore all other diets and regimes as there was no scientific evidence to back these things up but my weight would impact how well the drugs worked. I had a BMI of 29 so not drastically overweight but still not ideal, I then went on a diet and tried to lose what I could before my first cycle.
I really struggled with losing the weight and despite adhering strictly to a healthy low cal diet I just couldn't drop any weight, I went back to the GP to ask about my thyroid as it could be holding me back still, she assured me it was all fine and that my TSH was 7.8 which was fine.
We chose our IVF clinic and went to see our consultant for the first time in April, it was at this meeting that we took our hardest blow, although at this point I was only 31 years old I was told that I had a very low AMH and that it would be unlikely that I would produce many eggs. I was distraught and was convinced that by this point I would never have a baby, I started to really look into adoption and try and reassure myself that we could be a family despite the bleak future that lay ahead.
I scoured the internet for success stories of women with low AMH levels and although reassuring I was just convinced that it would not happen for me. So we prepared for a short flare cycle of IVF (menopur and cetrotide) most likely ICSI because of the limited eggs I was able to produce. I was terrified of the injections and worried that I would be emotionally unstable.
When I went back to the clinic for my first follicle scan I was so excited and unfortunately I had only managed to stimulate 2 eggs, I was devastated. They told me it would be best to stop this cycle and start again with a much higher dose of menopur. They even said I should pay for this cycle so far in order to preserve the NHS funding for an entire run.
I really lost it after this appointment. I'm not sure if it was the drugs or just me but I cried for a week. I found it very hard to drag myself out of my funk but I got there in the end. I went back to work and saw the clinic counsellor to help me process the disappointment. I read a lot, and went for a lot of acupuncture to prepare myself and relax properly.
I saw my consultant to debrief over the failed cycle and I mentioned my struggle to lose more weight and my 7.8 TSH he told me that he would not be willing to start the next cycle unless my TSH was under 2! He said that 7.8 was too high and would not lend itself to conception. I felt very betrayed by my GP and straight away fought for more thyroxine, my consultant told me to up my meds myself and he would write to my GP and insist my thyroxine was raised. The day before my next cycle I tested at 0.2 and felt a lot more confident that my thyroid was in a better place and I had managed to lose a bit of weight.
I started the next cycle in July (summer holidays, very convenient) and so I never ended up taking any time off
I carried on with acupuncture throughout the cycle, I did a lot of visualisation and breathing exercises. I also drank pineapple juice and ate brazil nuts for good measure! This time I was producing a few more eggs it was looking like I might get 5, which for me would have been a huge success! On the day of the egg collection I got 6 eggs and could have cracked champagne, if I had been drinking, in celebration! I was a complete baby about the cannula for the general anaesthetic which was the most painful thing in the whole cycle and was still not that bad. I cried the whole time before I went to theatre because I was so full of hormones and worry. I never knew I would be a crier!
We went home praying that we would fertilise well and that they would be fighters. They called later that night to tell us 5 had fertilised and were looking good!
After 3 days 4 were still in play but a leader had not yet emerged ( I was told under no circumstances would they allow 2 embryos to go back as I was high risk for twins due to my age.)
On day 5 we woke up and we knew if they didn't call we had to go to the clinic for the transfer, I phoned anyway as without confirmation there was anything to transfer I was a bag of nerves. They told me I had one excellent 5b embryo that they thought looked great.
We had the transfer which was over in a flash, seeing the blast on the screen was amazing. Then I slowly went mad for 11 days waiting.
The only symptom I had was some very sharp cramps. I tested a day early as I could not stand the tension anymore. I carried on having acupuncture throughout again however keeping zen was getting harder as the date of the test was getting closer.
Well, I tested and it was positive!
I was still a bag of nerves for the first 12 weeks and we paid for a few private scans to keep me from complete madness. My pregnancy was smooth and I loved every second.
Baby William was born at 40+3. It was a difficult forceps birth but I would do it all again tomorrow.
William is 9 weeks old and we are trying again for number 2 hoping it will come without IVF this time as my thyroid is correct. If not we will save for more IVF as I would love another one."
Alex and James thank you so much for sharing your journey.
Thank you for reading
If you would like to share your story as part of this series please email me at chelenic@live.co.uk
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