Infertility Hope and Inspiration: Mrs W's Story of Poor Ovarian Reserve, Tragic Loss and a Miracle....

Beautiful W holding his daddy's hand at a few days old

"We found out very quickly after trying for just a few months that we would need to have IVF, to say we were gutted is an understatement!! I suffer with what is called a poor ovarian reserve, which basically means I have a very low amount of eggs left.

We decided to start ASAP, so booked our cycle straight away. We were amazed and delighted that on our first go we were pregnant! I had some early complications but by 12 weeks everything had settled and we were starting to feel a little more confident. Sadly I just got to reach 20 weeks when our baby boy was born, our hearts literally broke in 2. I can't begin to explain the sadness that we felt and honestly will feel forever. He was perfect...

Although part of me really didn't want to we decided that we would try IVF again, it was tougher going emotionally then the first cycle, I'm not sure if that has any connection to our result, which was negative. Those 2 week waits were the hardest!!

So, now we thought maybe third time lucky! Let's give it another go. We started our next cycle in the November.

We found out the week before Christmas that we were pregnant. We were so happy! I went to our clinic for the regular checks and was told yes indeed all was ok, they wanted me to go back for further tests just to check my hormone levels a few days later, to cut a long story short they called me the day before Christmas Eve to say that my pregnancy was not progressing as it should and that I would have a miscarriage within 12 weeks. That Christmas is a total blur. I ended up waiting for 8 weeks to miscarry. It was emotionally exhausting.

By this point I was desperate, so we booked our 4th IVF cycle, we wanted to wait a few months so decided we would get away from our life and take a much needed holiday. We had an amazing long weekend in New York, we really relaxed and enjoyed ourselves, I actually got drunk for the first time in 2 years (as I'd given up drinking for the IVF!) and when we got back home, I was anxiously waiting for my period to come so we could get cracking with our 4th IVF cycle, and, it never came!!!

32 weeks later our beautiful baby boy was born, he arrived 8 weeks early and was so

Gorgeous W at 8.5 months

tiny, but 8 and a half months later he's a bouncing, healthy, happy little boy....

Never ever give up on something you can't go a day, a minute or even a second without thinking about.... "

Thank you honey for sharing your story.

Love Chele

xx

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Infertility Hope and Inspiration : Mrs B's Story of Loss, IVF, PGD

DH and me met when I was 17, he was 18. Who knew those two naive kids would face so much pain.

"I fell pregnant at 24, we were so happy. At 18wks, we found out the baby had cystic fibrosis, during a scan the scanographer also mentioned the babies bones were all deformed. We were devestated. At 20wks we lost our little boy. We named him Callum, to us he was perfect.
The hospital sent his and our DNA to a clinic in France & it was discovered he also had hypophosphastasia, the perinatel kind, which our baby, had he reached full term would never have survived the birth, if he did he wouldn't last much longer. Both DH and I were carriers.
So, during this pregnancy we discovered we were carriers of two genetic disorders and our chance of having a healthy baby naturally were slim.

The following year I fell pregnant again, at 11wks we had the CVS test and discovered our little girl was affected by both conditions again. Devestated. We chose to end the pregnancy, I simply could not face having to give birth again to a baby that would not survive, the first time nearly broke me. A "friend" was very vocal telling me she was disgusted at our decision, this broke my heart, my little girl would die either being born or within hours after, why couldn't she understand this?

After a year, I spoke to my doctor, advised I wanted to try this PGD the hospital consultant had spoke about. The wheels where set in motion.
When I was 28 we were contacted by Care Fertility, they advised they could do PGD but had never tested for hypophosphastasia, but their other clinic in Chicago would create a test using our DNA for us. Wow. I was thrilled, kept thinking within a year we will have out baby. How wrong was I.
It took Genysis (Chicago) a year to develop a test for both our conditions, then the tests had to go to court for the governing bodies to agree for us to have this performed on embryos. This took a further 10 months.
In January 2010 we were given the green light. We started the IVF medication in February, had EC and our embryos were tested. Unfortunately as this was the first time Care had tested for hypophosphastasia it took them longer and we missed the chance for a fresh transfer. From this cycle we had 6 healthy embryos!
In April we had FET, 1 embryo defrosted and transferred. Unfortunately it was a BFN, we also lost DHs mum. Tough times.
September - 2 defrosted, 1 survived and transferred. BFN
November - 3 defrosted, 1 survived and transferred. BFN
I can't explain how I felt, I just kept thinking I can get pregnant naturally but not through this????? Didn't make sense to me.
Moving on to cycle 2, in 2011 we gave it another go, and in march we found that we only had 1 healthy embryo from this cycle, but we were in time for a fresh cycle. 2 weeks later after the transfer I tested, BFP! Within an hour I was bleeding, not heavy and not enough to cause the clinic concern but I knew, I just knew it was all over. My HCG levels were tested by my EPU and were rising but not doubling. Care gave me a scan at 7 weeks, it was confirmed it was all over and my HCG levels were decreasing. Waiting to miscarry and pass my baby, as to me it WAS a baby was awful. But I survived, like I always do.
We were SO lucky our NHS PCT agreed to fund a third cycle, so after a holiday relaxing in Jamaica I was ready to start again.
Started the drugs at the end of September, we had 3 healthy embryos. I had the "strongest" embryo transferred, BFN AGAIN!
FFS I was ready to throw it all in, I can't to this again I kept saying, I'm just not strong enough.
After Xmas, I kept thinking of those 2 embryos and I decided I had to give them a chance.
I remember these dates so clearly, 16th February 2012 I had 1 thawed and transferred, 29th February I tested and it was BFP. I can't say I was ecstatic, I was happy dont get me wrong but I was also petrified. So so scared it would happen again.
My GP was amazing, he knew my history and signed me off work until I was 9wks pregnant!
I had 2 scans at Care, one at 6wks and another at 8wks. They were amazing too, agreeing to scan me earlier than normal and again 2wks later. They were all so happy for us, I really do believe they felt our pains and our joy during our journey. Anyway, back to my pregnancy, I couldn't relax, I ended up at our EPU twice just for reassurance scans! One at 9wks and another at 11wks. We had to have the CVS test too, even with the PGD as the percentage of misdiagnosis was 5%. That was came back clear and we found out it was a little boy. Still couldn't relax, had another scan at 14wks and again at 15!
At our 20wk scan we were told baby was perfect but my placenta was covering the cervix - complete placenta previa, they told me it would move by 30wks and to come for another scan. No biggie I thought, we can do this.
30wks, saw a young consultant, he was very reassuring, saying still covering but will definately move no need to worry. Fair enough. I had to go back at 35wks for another scan to check the placenta, this time the lady consultant was furious, I apparently should have been under hospital supervision since 20wks due to the placenta, it still hadn't moved, she wanted me to go straight to the maternity unit and stay there until the baby arrived. I said no chance I was TOO busy lol! I agreed to go into hospital at 36wks on the promise if there was any bleeding I would go in straight away. Baby was booked in for a csection at 38wks. I was told I could not under any circumstances have a natural birth, too risky. If labour started or any bleeding apparently only one of us would likely survive. Wow, it then sunk in exactly how dangerous this was.
Those 2wks in hospital were the longest ever, watching women come in and leave with their baby within 1 or two days, I was DESPERATE to meet my little man.
The day before my csection, the doctors came, measured me for surgery socks, ordered my blood incase a transfusion was required (I'm rhesus negative) and I signed consent forms.
The next morning I was so excited, was up and ready to go by 5 haha, DH arrived at 7 and we were taken to the labour ward at 9.
At 10:01 my little prince was delivered, a 7lb 9oz bundle of gorgeousness! I fell completely head over heels in love.
There were complications with me following the surgery but I won't go into that.
Sorry it's so long winded, I didn't want to miss out anything.
I'm so in love with this little man, he's my entire world, the love of my life and I worship him.
I don't know if I will use the other embryo, I feel so blessed and fortunate to have Finlay I think I should quit whilst I'm ahead. But that's something me and DH really need to discuss.

But miracles really do happen, all those obstacles we crossed, all the heartache and tears, they were totally worth it.
Infertility covers a wide spectrum and all I have to say is :
You did NOT win, you did NOT beat me.
I am strong and I'm a survivor and I am the proud mummy of the most precious little boy. "

EDIT:
If you would like to chat with Mrs B you can find her on Twitter @FinlayBsMummy

thank you so much for sharing honey

Love Chele
xx Tweet

Introduction to "Infertility: Stories of Hope and Inspiration"

When I started recording video diaries of our IVF journey on YouTube I had no idea if one person or 10 people would even bother to watch them. Obviously at that time we have no idea where that journey would take us and what hurdles we would meet along the way. I just figured, whatever way our story went, if sharing it could help even one person then it had to be shared.

I am so incredibly shocked at the amount of people that have watched my videos of our journey over the last few years through 3 IVF ICSI cycles, our missed/silent miscarriage   ,our twin pregnancy, and these days videos with Gracie and Alfie in them and the zillion pictures I put on Instagram each day! (Oh and the random make up/haul vids and tags just for a bit if fun) but I am incredibly humbled and grateful at the friends I have made along the way and the amazing, strong people who have shared their stories with me, opened their hearts to me in messages, acted as cheerleaders to us, asked questions and advice, and offered perspective and encouragement even through their own battles.

Our journey led us to be incredibly blessed with these amazing little people Gracie and Alfie who rock our world every single day. Not a day goes by even now at almost 13 months where we are not pinching ourselves, astonished that they are really here, our beautiful babies.  Though that path I realise wasn't just a path to our wonderful children but a path to all of the incredible people that would touch our lives along the way. Our journey lead is to Gracie and Alfie but it also lead us to lifelong friends to cherish, stories to capture our hearts and to humble us every day. 

I am so grateful to each and every person who has contacted me in one way of another with words of encouragement, stories of hope, and congratulations. To those who not only took the time to watch the videos, but took further time to offer kind words of any way that our story, our journey may have offered them any hope, inspiration or encouragement. That was always the intention so to hear it had reached someone's heart and lifted them or given them hope means the world to me.

Because of this and as a tribute to the incredible people I have "met" I have decided to start a series here on my blog " Infertility: Stories of Hope and Inspiration".

I have reached out to all the people in my networks who I consider my friends and asked them if they would like to share their stories in this series. I am truly overwhelmed at the response I have had so far and so have decided this will be a weekly series whereby I will upload one story each week. 

It is just incredible the amount of people who have said "I will share my story, even if it can help one person........" Exactly where my YouTube diary started a whole world ago. 

I am already crying my eyes out reading the first 3 stories I have been sent. I will be stocking up on tissues.

If you would like to include your story in this series please email me atchelenic@live.co.uk

To all of you, sincerely, thank you.

Love Chele  Tweet

For My Husband On Fathers Day

 It's 23:15 on the eve of Father's Day.
I'm working on some last minute gifts for Andy from Gracie and Alfie tomorrow.
With all the chaos of moving and getting set up here in Cyprus this day has come around much quicker than I realised.
I'm sat here whilst Andy,Gracie and Alfie are asleep. I am watching them on the monitor.I'm trying to gather my thoughts to write something special to my husband for Father's Day.
Watching my husband and our precious children all snuggled and sleeping as my inspiration for writing this.

With tears in my eyes and a heart fit to burst try as I might I simply cannot find the words.
How do I translate what this man does with his heart every day?
I have had the privilege of watching this amazing man become the father he never knew he would be.
I have had the pleasure of seeing every moment of sheer love and joy he has had with our babies for the past 1 year and 11 days. That is 1 year and 11 days my husband has held our babies,  loved them and laughed with them and yet every day it's is like he is seeing them and holding them for the first time.
The happiness and love in this mans heart knows no bounds.
The love that he has for our diddy people makes my heart melt daily. As soon as his eyes open in the morning they are drawn to the diddies laying between us and a light is turned on that is met by a smile.
I didn't have a very good example of what a father should be but I know one thing, Gracie and Alfie are so lucky and this amazing man will make sure they know how much they are loved, how clever they are, how beautiful they are. By his example they will know joy, love, happiness, silliness, courage, determination and strength. They will know how to be brave, how to be kind, how to be loyal. They will also know of health and well being by his example. He will show them how hard work pays off and how to always do the best they can and take pride in everything they do. His laughter and smile will warm their hearts (as it does mine) and dry their tears. They will know their daddy is there for them and that he always will be.
When we married we never knew where our path would take us. Yet I always knew this man would be an amazing father. I'm so proud and grateful in so so many ways that I get to ride sidecar with him on this amazing adventure and watch him be that father every day.

So it's not a poem. It's not an expensive gift. The gifts I give him tomorrow are handmade with anything I could get my hands on locally while most of our belongings are in shipment. The greatest gifts we could have hoped for arrived 1 year and 11 days ago, these two little miracles that made him a father. He holds these gifts in his arms every day and will hold them in his heart forever.

To my husband on this Father's Day. I love you and I am so so proud.

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Woah I'm an Alien.....I'm an London Twin Mummy in Cyprus

OK so that's not strictly true, we are living on a military base so there are tons of English people but I like to sing that in my head lol.

So we are here! We have actually been here for 11 days now its just taken me a while to get around to writing this.

I have never been in a hot country for this long and remained so pasty white but we have just been so busy and not much time to sunbathe when I'm playing with my Diddies and we are getting things organised for our new home.

It was our first time flying with Gracie and Alfie and I am pleased to say it was a very enjoyable experience. We were very lucky as we were travelling on a military flight so we had a row of 4 seats to ourselves meaning we were able to sit Andy and I at each end of the row whilst Gracie and Alfie's car seats were in the two seats between us. Basically we just had a baby each for the duration of the flight swapping each time one wanted mummy milkies or daddy cuddles.  They slept for maybe an hour or so in the car seats and the rest of the time we just played and cuddled and nursed. The flight crew adored them and whilst Alfie was sleeping they took Gracie into the cockpit. It was a bit crazy at the airport departing and arriving (especially arriving in Cyprus) with our 5 huge suitcases, 4 handluggage, 2 carseats, the double pushchair (Out n About Nipper 360 v3) and 2 almost 1 year olds
though. At the airports we had Gracie and Alfie in the carriers (me with the Connecta and Andy with the Ergo) and our baggage etc on a trolley each so the carriers (as always) made it much more doable!

Before we came here I wondered at what point it would feel like we lived here rather than feeling like we were on holiday yet it hasn't felt like a holiday at any point. We have been so busy darting here and there to get organised in our home, car hire (until ours arrives), shopping, completing a zillion forms, sourcing items for the garden, (more of that to come- currently the garden is a barren landscape and we cannot use it so we are presently sourcing materials and Andy will be making it a fun place to play over the next few weeks - I will blog before and after). So between all of that and obviously looking after my Diddies there's not been much time to sit in the sun. I do have a bit of a pram tan though on my arms and back from when I take Gracie and Alfie out on our walks.

Andy started at his new job on Tuesday so a week after we arrived. He is currently working 6:45am - 2pm so its fantastic having him home in the afternoon. He will be moving to day/night shifts at the end of July so will be working 12 hour shifts of 4 days/night on and 4 off. Still its better than when we were in the UK and we will have more time together for family fun.

Gracie and Alfie seem to be adapting well to the heat. They are very much wanting me all of the time and hate me to leave the room. This is understandable though, I'm their only constant at the moment. They have had so much upheaval for weeks before we left the UK and now they are in a place where nothing is familiar except mummy and daddy. Lots of cuddles and I'm sure they will settle very soon. Yesterday we took them to the medical centre here as their temperatures were high and they were upset and lethargic and  they were very thoroughly checked over and we were advised it is viral and to give them Calpol etc and just to ride it out. They have spells of seeming a bit better today and then their temperatures shoot back up again. I hope they will feel better asap bless them.

They love the paddling pool that we put on the little bit of patio in the garden that we can currently use. They also love the local pool and playing in the shallow of the sea.
Our, currently twice daily, walks are very hot and I know they will only get hotter (any tips on babywearing in this heat most welcome) but I'm sure we will acclimatise a bit before the temperatures ramp up even more!

I'm feeling a bit like a fish out of water. I'm not homesick for home as such but for people and familiarity. I love our house and I'm looking forward to making it more homely when our freight arrives in approximately 5-7 weeks. I love shopping for the local produce in the markets, all the fresh fruit and veg (the oranges are amazing!) and I love cooking in the new kitchen. I miss my mum, nan, brothers and friends. Our home internet was installed two days ago so since I have been able to connect with everyone more again I do feel slightly more in the loop lol. We have been Facetiming/Skyping a bit so that's been great. My mummy will be here in 3 days too so I am crazy excited about that.

I'm sure we will love life here it just takes a bit of getting used to when literally not one thing is life as we know it. I think as well Gracie and Alfie's impending birthday is making me a bit emotional too!
As my mum said though, wherever our diddy family is, that is home. As long as Gracie and Alfie know we are here and we love them and we love eachother then that is all the constant we need.

Thank you for reading

Love Chele
x

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Our 5 Year Wedding Anniversary

Beautiful garden in Mauritius where we were married 

Today is our 5th Wedding Anniversary.

I was looking back at the post I wrote on this day last year (you can read it here) and was moved to write an Anniversary post again today.

I recall last year having been up all night unable to sleep with all the thoughts running through my head. I was sitting downstairs at 5am crying and writing that blog post. 



As much as I wished, hoped and prayed for on that day last year (and every other day)  I could never have imagined that one year on things would be so different.


On this morning a year ago I was wishing that instead of my thoughts and fears keeping me awake all night, it would be our baby. How could I have known then that a year on I would be up most of the night laying next to my amazing husband and feeling our baby boy and our baby girl having a dance off in my tummy. 

Sunset Kiss

I did write back then that it wasn't always easy throughout our then 4 years of marriage due to the struggle with infertility and IVF. Perhaps I have always played that side of it down. Sometimes now I wonder did I push Andy away to some degree because it was too painful to see and feel his pain? I cant even begin to explain how it is to see this man that you love so much without that light in his beautiful eyes and to know that you cant take that pain away. It's soul destroying. We came close to breaking point many times, especially after our miscarriage 2 years ago after our first cycle. I'm proud to say we held on. 

My intention here is not to trowel through the pain but I guess to say that I am so grateful that all that pain and heartache has been worth something and so what I'm trying to covey is even in the darkest despair on this journey to just try not to give up hope. 

As much as I willed it I could never have even dreamt that I would be sitting here this morning writing this and feeling our boy trying to bust through my rib cage. (Don't worry little fella do whatever you want, I'm just glad to feel you, just ask your sister to get off my bladder if she can.)

Pre wedding Giggles

I look at my husband now and I'm glad to say that light is back . His blue eyes are sparkling again. I have watched this amazing man deal with things you should never have to deal with, all the while remaining a pillar of strength to support me. I have said it before but without this journey we have been on I may never have seen the strength this amazing man holds in his heart. What a big heart. He thinks I can't see it but before every scan I see the worry and then (thankfully) the relief on his face.

I'm so proud of how hard he works with his full time job, then studying for his Open University degree, looking after me for the past 8 months when I am vommitting (tying my hair back and bringing me water), rubbing a tennis ball over my back, brining me food and drink, putting my socks on for me, doing a lot of chores in the house so I don't have to crouch, bend, lift. The most amazing sight for me is the look in his eyes when he shows me a finished project he has done for our babies nursery. All this relentlessly and never complaining, I think just because he is so grateful that he can do it for his family.

I won't use this as a forum to complain about my dad who left when we were 4 and passed away a few years ago but I will say that I didn't have a great example of what a dad should be. I looked at my husband years ago and knew then that he would be such an amazing dad. Just this time during pregnancy has already proved me right. 

The love of my life

I know, I'm gushing. I can't help it right now. This man is my world, my heart,  my strength, my past, my future, my best friend. I know as much as anyone that  you can never be certain of the future but what I do know right now is how proud I feel when I look at my husband. The gift of him and the blessings we have in my tummy.  I am so grateful that I get to spend the rest of forever loving him and our babies and watching him being the best husband and daddy I could ever wish for. 

My promise to him  is to be the best wife and mummy that I can possibly be. 

I'm proud of what we have overcome to get here and proud that we survived it together. I know I would not have come through this journey with anyone else.

This has turned into an "ode to Andy", that's ok, this is our anniversary.

September 2012 at friends wedding. I'm a lucky girl

Oh and a year on I am sat here crying again but for all the right reasons.

Love Chele
Xx Tweet

Watch my 28 - 30 Week Pregnancy Vlog here!

I wish I had been updating on here sooner but if you wish to see updates prior to 24 weeks I have been uploading almost weekly updates in my YouTube Channel from 6 weeks to date.

How far along? 30 weeks

30 weeks 1 day

Total weight gain/measurements: I don't have any scales at home so haven't weighed myself since my last update but when I do I will be sure to update on here.

30 weeks 1 day 

Measurements: I don't know what my waist measurement was pre pregnancy and I am kicking myself for not measuring from the beginning but here is what I have:



17 weeks 5 days: 38.2 inches
20 weeks: 39 inches
21 weeks: 40 inches
24 weeks: 41 inches
25 weeks: 41.5 inches
26 weeks: 40.5 inches
27 weeks: 41 inches
30 weeks: 42 inches

Maternity clothes: I bought 2 pairs of black maternity leggins from New Look. Think they we £14 for a 2 pack.
If you like seeing Maternity Outfits I do post OOTD pics most days on my Instagram which is Chelenic.

Stretch marks: Still none! Have been slathering in Sanctuary Oil, L'Occitane Amande Huile Souplesse, Burts Bees Tummy Butter and my coconut oil.

Sleep: this is soooooooo bad! with my inflamed ribs I just cannot get comfy no matter how many pillows I prop myself up and pad myself out with. Then when I'm close to sleep i need to get up and pee. I also have PGP/SPD now too which makes sleeping even worse. Any tips would be most appreciated!

Best moment this week: Well, since my last post at 28 weeks..... I had my last day in the

My lovely Pink Lining Twin bag

office and then a further 2 weeks working from home bringing me to 30 weeks 2 days.
My last day in the office was fab. I walked in and my friend Kim had put balloons all around my desk and colleagues had a whip round and bought me some beautiful gifts (you can see them in my last east video update). A wonderfully scrumptious smelling L'0ccitane gift set, a very generous Next gift card and a blinkin stunning twin Pink Lining Changing bag. I was so blown away. I have been lusting after this bag for some time and was so thrilled to have received it as a gift. I will have a review of the bag in my YouTube channel as soon as possible.

Anything else to report this week? I was back in the Maternity Day Assessment Unit last friday (29 weeks 2 days). I had been feeling really bad again for days with the dizziness, breathlessness, vommiting, rib pain and also pelvic pain. The first thing they did was put me on the monitor to monitor babies heartbeats which were fab so very relieved there. my blood pressure had dropped to 80/40 which I was told is very low.
When I was on the monitor too they could see I was having Braxton Hicks which was good to know as I have been felling a bit crampy too so I was relieved it was that.
I have been referred to physio for Pelvic Girdle Pain and for my painful ribs so I hope that will help. Still on the iron tablets.

Miss anything? Nope, we would trade anything for this!

Movement: the movement feels a bit different now. It definitely feels stronger. Sometimes it doesn't feel like a kick more like they are moving its amazing. I can see my tummy moving a lot now too which is so amazing.

Food cravings: I'm still crazy for orange juice, especially the Copella one, it tastes amazingly fresh. Also I can't eat normal size portions, maybe because my tummy is already full but I never really feel hunger anymore so just have to eat regularly. I want sweet things more than I used to too.

Anything making you queasy or sick? I am being sick again but it's kind of sporadic, I can't really pinpoint it on anything in particular. I am getting very bad acid at night which Gaviscon doesn't help, I think it's the acid that makes me vomit so badly at night.

Labour signs: Nope and I'd like it to stay that way for many weeks yet!

Symptoms: 
Big tummy
Babies using my bladder as a trampoline even more right now
Need to pee all the time at the moment, even if I have just been
Heartburn is so bad
Much much more Breathless and dizziness
Tired through lack of sleep
Pelvic Girdle Pain
Rib pain
Braxton Hicks

Belly button in or out? Sometimes looks like its about to pop out but it's just about still an innie

Wedding rings on or off? Off :0(

Happy or moody most of the time: Ecstatically, deliriously and insanely happy. I'm still getting frustrated when I can't do things I need to do but the most important thing is that our babies are ok so I need to learn to take it easy.

Looking forward to: Being on leave and having all my time to concentrate on getting ready for the babies. Nursery is almost finished, just a few final decisions to make and a few bits to order. We also have our bump photoshoot next Friday so I'm excited for that.

Thank you so much for reading

Love

Chele

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27 Weeks Twin Pregnancy Update

Watch my 27 Week Pregnancy Vlog here!

I wish I had been updating on here sooner but if you wish to see updates prior to 24 weeks I have been uploading almost weekly updates in my YouTube Channel from 6 weeks to date.

How far along? 27 weeks

26 weeks 4 days

Total weight gain/measurements: I don't have any scales at home so haven't weighed myself since my last update but when I do I will be sure to update on here.

Measurements: I don't know what my waist measurement was pre pregnancy and I am kicking myself for not measuring from the beginning but here is what I have:

26 weeks 1 day

17 weeks 5 days: 38.2 inches

20 weeks: 39 inches

21 weeks: 40 inches

24 weeks: 41 inches

25 weeks: 41.5 inches

26 weeks: 40.5 inches

27 weeks: 41 inches

Maternity clothes: again, I haven't light anything new this week and I'm still in my Sainsburys Leggings I mentioned last week. I wonder how long I an just stick with these for.

If you like seeing Maternity Outfits I do post OOTD pics most days on my Instagram which is Chelenic. 

Stretch marks: Still none! Still slapping on the Bio Oil and Burts Bees tummy butter this week. My raw, organic coconut oil arrived so i'm excited to try that! I'll let you how I like it. 

Sleep: this isnt getting any better. with my inflamed ribs I just cannot get comfy no matter how many pillows I prop myself up and pad myself out with. Then when I'm close to sleep i need to get up and pee. Any tips would be most appreciated!

Best moment this week: Our 2nd attempt at our 4D scan at 26 + 1.

We managed to see our girl a bit better thank our first attempt but our boys foot was in the way. This meant that the pictures of our girl were still not as clear as those of our boy but we did get to see a bit better.

Our beautiful girl

Our gorgeous boy

It's funny, I feel like I know their personalities already. I feel like our girl is calm and serene (not like her mummy!) and our boy is a cheeky little fellow with a naughty smile, he's a bit more boisterous in my tummy too.  We'll see if I'm right! 

Cheeky boy smiling!

Anything else to report this week? I am being sick again this week. Not every day but about 4 times this week. Also my pelvis gets a bit achey and sometimes I feel like I need to hold up my bump!

Oh yeah and I sneezed and peed myself the other night again! (when you need to go just go, don't hold it. When will I learn?)

Miss anything? Nope, we would trade anything for this!

Movement: the movement feels a bit different now. It definitely feels stronger. Sometimes it doesn't feel like a kick more like they are moving around.its amazing. They seem. Ire active when I get into bed but perhaps that because I am laying down.

Food cravings: I'm still crazy for orange juice, especially the Copella one, it tastes amazingly fresh. Also I'm finding that however hungry I feel I can't eat normal size portions, maybe because my tummy is already full.

Anything making you queasy or sick? I am being sick again but it's kind of sporadic, I can't really pinpoint it on anything in particular.

Labour signs: Nope and I'd like it to stay that way for many weeks yet!

Symptoms: 

Big tummy

Babies using my bladder as a trampoline even more right now

Need to pee all the time at the moment, even if I have just been 

Heartburn

Much much more Breathless and dizziness

Tired through lack of sleep

Belly button in or out? Somehow it's still in! 

Wedding rings on or off? Off :0( I'm to worried they will get stuck

Happy or moody most of the time: Ecstatically, deliriously and insanely happy. I'm still getting frustrated when I can't do things I need to do but the most important thing is that our babies are ok so I need to learn to take it easy.

Looking forward to: Andy finished the main painting in the nursery last Sunday and almost finished refurbing the changer we bought. I just need to add a few touches to the walls and the changer so I'm hoping they turn out well.

I have mostly used the questions from Samantha Schuerman when she was doing her pregnancy updates and also from Anna over at The Style Diet. Thanks ladies, I always enjoyed reading your updates!

Thank you so much for reading

Love

Chele

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26 weeks Twin Pregnancy Update

26 weeks Twin Pregnancy Update

Watch my 26 Week Pregnancy Vlog here!

I wish I had been updating on here sooner but if you wish to see updates prior to 24 weeks I have been uploading almost weekly updates in my YouTube Channel from 6 weeks to date.

How far along? 26 weeks

25 weeks 1 day

Total weight gain/measurements: I don't have any scales at home so haven't weighed myself since my last update but when I do I will be sure to update on here.

Measurements: I don't know what my waist measurement was pre pregnancy and I am kicking myself for not measuring from the beginning but here is what I have:

17 weeks 5 days: 38.2 inches

20 weeks: 39 inches

21 weeks: 40 inches

24 weeks: 41 inches

25 weeks: 41.5 inches

26 weeks: 40.5 inches!!!! WHY AM I MEASURING SMALLER????

Maternity clothes: Haven't bought anything new this week and apart from Jeans I am mostly wearing items I had pre-pregnancy despite my vast tum! The best items that have seen me through are some black leggings from Sainsburys. I think they were 2 pairs for about £14. I bought these in a size 12 (one size up) when I was about 6 weeks pregnant and they are really hight waisted so so far have managed to extend up over my bump! I don't think I will be able to wear them too much longer but i cant believe they have seen me through this far.

If you like seeing Maternity Outfits I do post OOTD pics most days on my Instagram which is Chelenic. 

Stretch marks: Still none! Still slapping on the Bio Oil and Burts Bees tummy butter this week. I have also ordered some RAW, organic coconut oil as I have heard so many fab things about it and it multi uses! I plan to put it on my bump, massage my perinium with it (sorry if tmi!), use it on the babies as moisturiser after bath and on their little bumps to prevent nappy rash. I can also use it on my nipples for breastfeeding and its antibacterial, good for if babies have thrush in their mouths or I have it on my nipples!! I'll let you know how all this goes in the future. 

Sleep: My sleeping is so bad right now. with my inflamed ribs I just cannot get comfy. Any tips would be most appreciated!

Best moment this week: This has to be receiving a beautiful Mothers Day card. It is such a thoughtful card. I the envelope propped up on my bedside table, opened it and started crying. I have honestly never been so happy or overwhelmed to receive a card before. I love how it has a picture of all of my babies on it. Just beautiful.

Anything else to report this week? It became a bit of a crazy week hence my last update going up so late. I actually wrote my update on Monday night and was very pleased with myself for being so organised. On wednesday I went to read though, make any edits and upload. My update was not there. After much annoyance, a bit of shouting and angry tweets to the owners of the app I was using I just had to give in and start again. So I was going to do this Thursday evening.

I went to work on Thursday and I thought I felt a bit not quite right when I left the house but thought it would pass.  Anyway, I got to work and as the morning wore on I was feeling much worse. I felt very dizzy and breathless. I went to the "sick room" at work and after laying down a short while I called the Midwife at my hospital. She checked my iron levels from my last blood test and my levels were low and she said she would be on her knees if her levels were that low! She told me to get home and lay down for a few hours (on my left side) and if still not feeling good to call back. 

I am about 1hr 30 mins on underground away from home and there was no way I could get on a tube alone like that so I got a cab (Andy couldn't come and get me as our car was in the garage being fixed from where I had recently scraped it oops!)

I got home, lay down and thought ok, I know its my iron levels making me like this, the babies are fine. I will get some rest and then if I still feel bad tomorrow I will go to the Pregnancy Day Assessment Unit at the hospital.

so from laying down from about 2pm Thursday afternoon until around 10am the next morning I was feeling worse if anything.

Andy took me to the hospital friday afternoon.

The first thing they did was check our babies heartbeats. Phew our babies were fine!

They took a urine sample from me....fine. The took my blood pressure...fine. The pain in my left ribs (that I have had for weeks) is apparently where the cartilage in my ribs is inflamed. They said it will be this way for rest of pregnancy and prescribed me codydramol for the pain, tho I'm not sure it does much.

Then they confirmed my iron was low and switched me from ferrous furrate tablets to ferrous sulphate which apparently is easier absorbed though can be nasty on your tummy.

relieved thats thats all it was I spent the weekend resting and the week working from home. I'm still very dizzy and breathless but I guess it may take a while for the iron to get into my system?

So all of this is why my 25 week update (last week) went up so late (25 weeks 4 days) 

Miss anything? Nope, we would trade anything for this!

Movement: lots of movement still. Especially in the evening in the bath and when I get into bed. The last few days they seem especially active around midnight. 

Food cravings: I haven't really had any cravings this week. I feel thirsty a lot and really like orange juice at the moment.

Anything making you queasy or sick? My dizziness is making me feel a bit queasy but I'm fine with food etc.

25 weeks 4 days

Gender: Boy and girl!

Labour signs: Nope and I'd like it to stay that way for many weeks yet!

Symptoms: 

Big tummy

Babies using my bladder as a trampoline even more right now

Heartburn, though not as bad as it has been

Much much more Breathless and dizziness

Tired through lack of sleep

Belly button in or out? It's still getting more and more shallow as the weeks have gone on and at the moment looks like it could pop out any minute

Wedding rings on or off? Off :0( I'm to worried they will get stuck

Happy or moody most of the time: Ecstatically, deliriously and insanely happy. I have been a bit of a mizog this week but only because I feel so bad with the dizziness, breathlessnes and rib pain. I'm having to work from home (from my bed mostly to be more precise) and its pretty isolating. Also I tend to get a bit frustrated as there is so much to do and i cant really do much at all! I know I will have the inflamed ribs for the rest of my pregnancy and that it will get worse, but I'm hoping that come tomorrow when I have been on my new iron tablets for a week there will be more improvement. Any tips on this would be most welcome too!

Looking forward to: 4d scan part deux Thursday (tomorrow), hopefully our little pink one will cooperate more and we can get more images and footage! So very excited to see our babies again! I have ordered some more baby bits and nursery items so I'm excited for them to arrive and see the nursery coming together. (Online shopping is very dangerous when you are housebound!)
I'm also looking forward to Andy and I doing my belly cast! I bought a kit from eBay and we plan to do it this weekend if possible. I will blog the process for you but I imagine it will be messy.

I have mostly used the questions from Samantha Schuerman when she was doing her pregnancy updates and also from Anna over at The Style Diet. Thanks ladies, I always enjoyed reading your updates!

Thank you so much for reading

Love

Chele

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A bit of a late 25 weeks Twin Pregnancy Update

Watch my 25 Week Pregnancy Vlog here!

I wish I had been updating on here sooner but if you wish to see updates prior to 24 weeks I have been uploading almost weekly updates in my YouTube Channel from 6 weeks to date.

How far along? 25 weeks! (As at Wednesday 6th March)

24 WEEKS 6 DAYS

Total weight gain/measurements: I don't have any scales at home so haven't weighed myself since my last update but when I do I will be sure to update on here.

Measurements: I don't know what my waist measurement was pre pregnancy and I am kicking myself for not measuring from the beginning but here is what I have:

17 weeks 5 days: 38.2 inches

20 weeks: 39 inches

21 weeks: 40 inches

24 weeks: 41 inches

25 weeks: 41.5 inches

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IVF ICSI Cycle 3: my personal notes from Stimms to 24 weeks pregnant with twins

A lot of people contact me asking what my symptoms have been at different stages from during IVF cycle to any stage in my pregnancy. I thought I would share my unedited notes with you that I have kept along the way on my phone.

Obviously this is just what I experienced and will not be the same for everyone.

Day 5 of gonal f scan

4 follicles on left 6 on right between about 6 and 9 ish mm

Day 9 gonal scan

10 follicles in total between 10 -14mm

Day 12 scan

Left follicle sizes: 20,19,18,16,14, 13,10,9

Right follicle sizes: 20,17,16,16,16, 10

Day 14 Egg Collection

17 eggs!

1 day after collection

12 have fertilised!!! Thank you God! Xx

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Catching up and Outcome of IVF ICSI Cycle 3

I'm so sorrry its been so long! Almost 6 months exactly.

I have been making regular videos for my YouTube channel to keep those interested updated but I have been incredibly slack with my blogging and want to get back into again.

Incase you don't follow my YouTube or Twitter and are not up to date here was my announcement of the outcome of my 3rd IVF ICSI cycle:

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IVF Has Taught Me.......

It's very difficult to explain effectively what it is really like to be in this situation and I don't think you could KNOW what it feels like if you haven't been here. Can you really know what it is like to face life without a family when it's all you really want? (some people want to be rock stars, movie stars, billionaires .... I just want to be a mummy and for Andy to be a daddy, so not asking much are we really). Or to Know what it's like to continually go through these invasive procedures to have any chance of becoming a family? What it is like to think you have got there and then to loose your precious baby? And then after all that, pick yourself up and try again and again.....whilst trying not to let it affect your marriage, to see your partner suffering and try to help you while you are suffering and have no idea how to help him, to get up every day and face the world and keep on top of things at work and at home. Do you ever feel like some people expect you just to "forget about it", "move on", "get over it", "put it behind you"? Or feel like you aren't given credit for what you are managing to do despite all this? Anyway, are some things I am learning along the way.....


Patience

I used to wish my life away- cant wait until the weekend, can't wait until my holiday etc. I don't really think like this now and try to live in real time. Work through day to day as it is without thinking too much about next week, next month.

Time is precious

I also used to build up so much anxiety weeks before cycles, appoinments, test results etc. spending weeks beforehand going over it all in my head and worrying about it. What will they say, what will the result be. Even with things like Andy going away. I would spend weeks or months thinking, what's it gonna be like when he's away, I'm going to be sad, it's going to be horrible. Again now I don't worry about these things until they happen, in that timeframe, in that moment. This has also made me a lot calmer and I don't worry so much until the occasion arises, ie I won't think about an appointment until the day is upon us.

Communicate, communicate, communicate!

Andy is my rock. He is so supportive. We have learnt to communicate much more about our feelings throughout this process. I think at the beginning we were both dealing with things in our own ways and were perhaps very insular with our feelings. It has not been easy but overtime we have both opened up more and are able to speak to eachother about how we feel. I think at the beginning we didn't want to say things for fear of upsetting eachother. I guess you have to be careful about how you say things but it is important that you do express you feelings.

You can't plan everything

I have always been an avid planner. I wanted to know what we were doing and when. Even as far ahead as next year. Things obviously haven't turned out the way we planned. You have to just roll with it. You can have an idea of what you would like to happen but perpare for the obstacles. The downside to this though is my usual organised and prepared self has gone out of the window. I will pack for holiday the day before instead of weeks ahead, I will make hair/beauty/dental apps at the last possible moment. To be honest I kind of like it this way. I just feels a bit more relaxed.

You learn who is really "there for you"

I don't think I need to elaborate on this one. Some don't "get it" but some don't even try to.

Appreciation/don't take anything for granted

Give yourself and eachother credit for getting though. You and your partner know more than anyone how all this feels so be kind to eachother. Tell eachother you are proud of them. Tell them you appreciate them for being there, for being strong or even just for getting through the day. Or even for putting up with your wobbles. I am proud to have Andy by my side. We are a team, in this together, getting on and getting through with the same goal in mind. We will get there, together and stronger.

I wouldn't even try to justify why this is happening to us and it's easy to say everything happens for a reason. But when the thing that is happening is this major sometimes it's hard to stick to that belief even if you do usually believe it. I will however say that sometimes I wonder if this is happening to us to teach us something and to make us grow. Whether I can truly believe this in the darkest hours (miscarriage/failed cycle) sometimes I like to reflect on what I have learnt from this and the positive things it has bought out in me. Whatever gets you through I guess.

What gets you through?

 

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IVF and Ignorant Comments

I was moved to write this post when a friend on twitter (@babyhopeivf) mentioned that people in her office were discussing the news on IVF today that the age limit is being raised from 39 to 42 for women to have access to IVF on the NHS.

The discussion was along the lines of, the world is already overpopulated why bring more people into it. Sadly ignorant comments such a this I have heard all to often over the last few years. This is an ignorant statement not only because sometimes people need to have IVF to have a child due to infertility but also -  if they are going to have cancer treatment so they can preserve their fertility, are unable to have intercourse i.e. if they have a physical disability and same sex couples who want a family.

 Who are these ignorant people to decide who is allowed to have children. Well, if you want to go down that road.....

They wouldn't be saying this is they were in this situation desperate to be a family or if they had to witness the pain and heartache of someone they love going though it.

I guess us IVF folks see it from the another perspective. We see people popping kids out left right and centre when they can't take care of them or wont take care of them. People who have them and then abuse them. Who have unprotected sex daming the consequences and the children are put into care. Drug abusers who's children are born addicted and need to be weaned off a substance. I could go on.

My opinion may be controversial but I would hazzard a guess that anyone going through countless medications, tests, invasive procedures, heartache and loss to have a child would have suffered these thoughts on many occasion.  Watching Jeremy Kyle (I wont watch it) and witnessing these "I have 5 children and I don't know who any of the fathers are" , "had a bunk up behind a bus stop with the bloke who runs the chippie and his wife found out and now I'm preggo"

Well, it gets to you. Oh and don't even get me started on the "having a baby is a privillage not a rite" posse. Yes it is a privilege but why should we be denied trying to achieve it. Would you even think this if you were in our shoes?

No one who has a reasonable chance of conceiving should be denied the chance to have a family. Follow my blog with Bloglovin Tweet

IVF: Our Four Year Wedding Anniversary

Today is our four year Wedding Anniversary. It is so bittersweet and I am struggling with such a range of emotions right now that I thought I would try to put it into words, as I am sure that many others on the IVF roller coaster must feel like this too.

On one hand I am so happy and grateful for what we do have and cannot believe that it has been four years already. I am so happy that I found the love of my life and married such an amazing man. It hasn't always been easy, especially on this IVF journey but I am so glad we are making it though and I do believe we are stronger for all our trials.

Through all the hard times that have faced us, the joy of getting pregnant on our first ICSI cycle to the miscarriage, to the failure of our second cycle, my love for Andy has not waned. In fact I would say that I love him all the more for it as this journey is showing me just how strong and supportive Andy is. His patience, strength, love and support never ceases to amaze me. Had we not been though this would I ever truly have known just how wonderful he is? Have these testing times just resulted to prove the strength of our love? Believe me, I do think about this every day and for these reasons and that I have this wonderful man by my side I feel loved, I love and I am happy.

On the other hand today is also filled with so much sadness. Four years ago today we stood side by side in a beautiful garden in Mauritius and said our vows. On that day we were filled with so much excitement as to what our future held and we could not wait to start our family. On this day four years ago I threw away my contraceptive pill and had butterflies of anticipation in my tummy just thinking of the day when a pregnancy test would show positive and how wonderful it would feel to tell Andy he was going to be a daddy. I wasn't too naive to think that only a month or so of "trying" and boom - positive test. But after a year of disappointment each month I knew something had to be wrong and well, if you have read my post "our story so far", you know what brings us to where we are today.

I look back at our wedding photos and again my emotions conflict, from "wow, that was so amazing" and "I can't believe that was four years ago" to "we had no idea we would be in this situation", we were so happy and excited then and had no idea of the pain we would be facing. Sometimes it just hurts to look at our smiling faces in the photos and remember what it was like to not feel this much pain. Sometimes I think I would just love to go back to that even for a day when we were just Chele and Andy and not an infertile couple.

 So as I sit here at 5am having been kept awake all night by these thoughts racing through my brain and struggling desperately to articulate them I am willing the happier side to win. Today we will celebrate our marriage, we will celebrate our love for each other and the strength we have found that we never knew we had. We will be grateful that we are together in this journey and that we have the courage to keep pushing through it as we are only still on this journey because we want to be on it together, working towards our dream. Despite everything, we still believe we can make our dream a reality. It is just taking us longer to get there, but we will get there.

Together we can make this dream come true and I hope and pray that this time next year I will be writing a completely different story at 5am because, instead of my restless mind, our baby is keeping me awake.

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You couldn't eat this much veg in one meal..... Juice It!

I have liked juicing and making smoothies for a few years now but I guess as part of my Let's Get Healthy mission I am taking it a bit more seriously these days. Inspired by some of my friends on Twitter, TheDrGinger and Jason Vale I have really jumped into juicing over the last couple of months. I love vegetables anyway, especially green veg and I do eat veg at lunch and dinner but by juicing them I can consume so much more in just one sitting then I could in one day. Some of my friends have said they don't eat this much veg in 3 days! There is so much goodness in vegetables and I want to get the best from it without having to munch like a rabbit for hours every day. I made my favourite green juice today and thought I would take this opportunity to share it with you.

 I used the following ingredients which made approximately 1.5 pints of juice:

• 3 stalks of celery 
• 4 handfuls of spinach
• Half a large Rommaine lettuce
• Half of a very large cucumber 
• 3 small apples
• A quarter of a fennel bulb 
• 2 handfuls of broccoli 
• Half a lemon 

 I don't have any "rules" when it come to juicing. I buy a lot of fruit and vegetables each week and just mix it up a bit depending on what I fancy or what is left in the fridge at the time, for example last week I had some melon that needed to be used up so I bunged a bit of that in there to sweeten and compliment the green veg. It was yummy!  I am sure that when I have been having my glasses of green juice a day I feel more energised and my skin is clearer so they are definite benefits, it also helps that it tastes yummy!

 I often put in a capful of Aloe Vera juice which I buy from Holland and Barrett. Aloe Vera is good for your digestive tract, aids your immune system, is a pain reliever and reduces inflammation.  I have also been taking Chlorella and Spirulina supplements. These have countless benefits but I have heard of people taking it whilst doing IVF so I thought I would start getting it in my system for my next cycle. It helps with vitality too so that's always good!

Obviously I am not a nutritionist but I am just trying something that I feel may work for me and I do research supplements before I start taking them. I like to juice my veg but if I fancy a sweet treat or sometimes for a yummy weekend breakfast I will make a fruit smoothie. Banana, strawberry and date is a favourite in this house but I will save a smoothie post for another time. My next plan is to order Jason Vale's iPad app or book "Loose 7lbs in 7 days". I have heard a lot of great things about this and some of my friends have followed the plan. So I am looking forward to that week crammed with lots and lots of veg! I will keep you posted on how that goes.

 Now I'm off to enjoy my pint!











Take care everyone Chele Xxx


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