Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Chele Nics Mummy Tips

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Boots Haul

Monday, August 18, 2014

Be Kind


I’ve read many articles since Robin Williams sadly died, many people with many different viewpoints.
I feel like I have thought of nothing else for the past few days trying to in some way make sense of it all. Though where do you even begin to make sense of it or understand? I honestly have not been able to keep him out of my thoughts. This funny guy on TV, this guy I have never met only laughed and cried at as he made characters come to life.

One article in particular really struck chord with me. (link here). Robin Williams didn’t die of suicide, he died of depression.

Depression does not discriminate. Depression doesn’t care if you are rich or poor, young or old.  So many comments I have read are asking, “What did he have to be depressed about?” Feeling sad for something you have or don’t have for example is not how this disease works.

Depression is not what you say that you feel when you chip a nail or your favourite TV show or book is finished. A panic attack is not what happens when you can’t find your Oyster Card/keys/phone or the Internet has gone down.

I have had first hand experience with depression and anxiety. I have also had family members suffer with depression and anxiety.

A few years ago my dad died from cancer. It was also around the same time we had just been told Andy had azoospermia and that we would not have our own biological children (they shouldn’t have said this to us at that stage but it is the information we were given my the consultant at that stage). All in all it was a tough time.  Watching my dad dying also opened up old wounds of sitting with my beloved granddad as he was dying from cancer, telling him it was ok to let go. I was 19 and I didn’t deal with it well at the time. I dealt with that too really after my dad died. My point is I went to the doctors at this time and said I’m having a tough time dealing with everything, I cant sleep, I have no motivation, I feel so incredibly sad, I have no appetite etc. I was expecting him to tell me I was depressed (due to prior experience many years before this). He explained something to me that day that has resounded through my head ever since. He said that in his opinion I wasn’t depressed. Real, tangible, difficult things were happening/had happened and I was processing them and dealing with them. He said that this was real and normal to feel these things in circumstances like this. He told me that depression was not like that, it was usually that you would feel these feelings but with no tangible, logical explanation as to why. This made sense to me. I could rationalize what I was feeling. I could “blame” it on something. I had an “excuse” for feeling like this.

Maybe he was right in what he said, maybe he was wrong. Maybe it was just what I needed to hear at that time?

This is around the time when my anxiety and panic attacks started.

I saw a few doctors around this time for various things and at some point I was offered some medication for anxiety/depression though I declined owing to the fact that we were looking to start our IVF procedures.

I had if I remember correctly 6 sessions of counseling which I feel helped greatly. It just helped me to chat and talk things over with someone who was non biased, who wouldn’t judge and who I could just say what was in my head without fear or upsetting someone or worrying what that person would think of me.
Though I knew my feelings at this time were different to the depression I had been through before and the depression I had witnessed others suffering.

The hardest part I personally found going through depression was that I couldn’t rationalize it. I couldn’t make sense of why I was feeling that way. When I had felt so so incredibly sad and low but I just didn’t know why. When I just didn’t want to be. To be me. To exist. When I felt like everyone would be better off without me. Then this turned into guilt to which exacerbated all the other feelings. What right did I have to feel like this when X was going through real tough times? What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I get a grip?

I guess I’m trying to tell my story because I want people to know that it’s ok. It’s ok to talk. It’s ok to share. It does not mean that you are weak


Fear of weakness and others perceptions. That is something I really struggled with especially through the more recent times with my anxiety and panic attacks. Those that knew especially colleagues at work I didn’t want them to think I was weak, flakey, that I couldn’t cope.  I didn’t want people to treat me differently, to think that I couldn’t manage with the pressures of my job on top of the anxiety/panic etc. I didn’t want their opinion of me to change. I will say it again it DOES NOT mean you are weak. It just took me some time to figure that out.

So I guess my own experience and exposure to this disease is what is prompting me to think about it even more.

How dare anyone sit in judgment over the tragic decision that Robin Williams made to take his life.  You have not walked in his shoes. You have not lived one hour or one day inside his head. You have no idea what he was feeling when he decided…… When he decided what? That the world would be better without him? That he couldn’t live in this world anymore or couldn’t live in his world anymore. That he didn’t want to burden his family and cause them any more heartache as he was battling the disease? I don’t know what he was feeling but one thing I feel very sure of….. To make that decision to take his life to that conclusion would have been the only conclusion he could foresee at that time.  People say, “Did he not think about his children/his wife/ his family?” Maybe he did. Maybe he felt that they would be better off without him. Maybe he didn’t think of them at all. Maybe he was so consumed at this point that they weren’t even in his thoughts.  Surely if you have reached that point through this horrible illness all rational thinking has departed?

I know that I have reached a place in my life now that I never would have dared to believe I would be. I do have everything I could have dreamt of and more besides. Does this keep the black dog far from my door? Honestly? No.

I have some days where I can feel black dog Depression chasing me. I have some days where for no particular reason my heart is pounding 10 to the dozen and I am teetering on the precipice of a panic attack. I have days and sleepless nights where I will lay there and catastrophise every worry in my mind to the point that I’m actually living it out in vivid Technicolor the worse case scenario in my head.

I become consumed that something will happen to my beautiful Gracie and Alfie, to my husband, to my mum, my brothers. I convince myself that Andy will leave us. All of these thoughts irrational and with no basis yet I still run them around and around in my head.  Obviously I’m keeping all of these feelings in check but if I find they are getting out of hand or disrupting my daily life then of course I will seek appropriate help. Having been there before I know what is manageable and when I need help.

Something else that concerns me is that probably most days through my various social media networks I see people who in my opinion clearly are depressed and could clearly do with some help. Every time I want to say something to them to help them and yet I stop myself. I don’t want to upset them. It’s not my place. They will think I am being rude. So I have been thinking about this. If any of these particular people had a lump would it be rude or inappropriate of me to recommend they get it checked? If they had a rash would it be rude of me to suggest they see a doctor? These people would be greatly offended at my suggestion that they had depression yet would probably thank me for suggesting they seek help for the rash or the lump.

Lets be more open with our feelings. Lets tell someone if we are feeling low. Lets tell someone if for reasons we cannot justify we are feeling sad. Lets help without question, lend an ear, a shoulder to cry on.

The tragic loss of Robin Williams is what has brought all of this to the forefront of my mind and is what has pushed me to sit and write this today. These are the thoughts that have been through my mind over the past few days. I guess I’m making a bit of a mess at hashing all of these thoughts together. I just want people to know that they are not alone, that it’s ok to discuss it and to tell people about it. If we all spoke of this disease it would become less taboo, others would speak of it too and it just may help that person who thinks that the “done thing” is to keep these thoughts to themselves, until maybe these thoughts consume them too. I also want to provoke some thoughts from another perspective to deviate from the negative aspersions cast towards this poor man and so many others whose lives came to the same tragic end citing them as selfish and cowardly.

Depression IS AN ILLNESS! Depression MUST be taken seriously. Depression does not mean you are a bit down in the dumps. It is a very serious and very debilitating disease.

I say it again; he was suffering with an illness, he was suffering with depression when he came to that conclusion.  Did he plan it? Was it a spur of the moment decision? Do you honestly think that if he was in the frame of mind to take his own life that he was thinking with any such clarity and foresight to consider who may find him or what would happen after? Surely at this point all you are thinking about is that you just don’t want to be here anymore?

This is where I am really struggling to write this. I feel like it is not my place to consider or question what happened. I feel as if I am being disrespectful to him and his family to even wonder what happened let alone to share these thoughts. I am not rehashing this through some morbid curiosity or even just being nosey but because I am trying to understand and again provoke thoughts and perspective from another angle in response to the negativity I am seeing.

Did he want to be remembered for the man he was and leave that legacy rather than fight another disease and was worried how ill he would become through Parkinson’s Disease? Was he worried what both the Depression and Parkinson’s would do to him and the effect it would have on his family? Why was there no suicide note? Did he mean it to be so final? Cry for help? Maybe there is a suicide note somewhere? You know, we will never know the answer is simple…….it’s not our business to know.  

Has he not been through enough battling this debilitating disease? He has left a wonderful legacy of
love, joy, and laughter. Every day I am seeing stories of such kindness and generosity he showed others. With all that he has left behind he will only continue to spread that laughter through generation after generation. Hopefully now too he has left us with a better understanding of those suffering with depression or any form of mental health. Let him rest now, he does not need to battle anymore.

For the most part all I am thinking of is how this wonderful man still had the strength to bring joy and laughter to millions when he was dying inside.

I’ll leave you with these:

“Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”

“People cry, not because they are weak. It’s because they have been strong for too long”

“You don’t know what is going on in someone’s life. Be kind”

“Always try to help someone. You may be the only one who does”

What are your favourite inspirational quotes?

Thank you for reading.

Love Chele

xx

Friday, July 25, 2014

Infertility Hope and Inspiration: Alex and James' Journey with Low AMH (and she got to meet Sir Robert Winston!)

"Hi I'm Alex and my husband is James. We have been together since I was 17 and James was 19. We have no idea when we met as we were friends throughout our teenage years and had been close since I was around 14. I love our relationship and consider myself the luckiest girl in the world to have snared such a wonderful man to treasure every day. We became official in 1999 and finally tied the knot in 2007. It was that year we decided to start trying for a family.  

A few years passed and although no babies had come along we were progressing well professionally and socially. Life was vibrant so we did not feel the gap so much. Then in 2010 we decided to up the effort and I began the ovulation tracking nightmare that I am sure most women who are TTC are familiar with. We read endless websites, tried every old wives tale, tip and trio without success. Everyone told me I had to relax, that it would happen eventually and that I was to be confident and wait for the baby to arrive. I knew deep down that things weren't right and that we needed to see the doctor.  

I finally managed to get to the doctor early 2012 and we had all of the preliminary testing done. James was identified as having a lowish sperm count but nothing that would stop natural pregnancy and I was diagnosed with an under active thyroid that could be contributing to the infertility and I would need to start thyroxine. Everything else was normal.

The doctors were adamant that thyroxine takes months and months to work and that I would need to wait 6
months to have a test done to see if my thyroid levels had improved. We continued to try and I even booked a trip to Disney World to try and tempt fate and fall pregnant. Still no baby arrived and at Christmas they referred us for IVF.

I had the good fortune to meet Sir Robert Winston in this period of time and I asked him for some advice and he said just to continue loosing weight as this impacted things a great deal, he told me to ignore all other diets and regimes as there was no scientific evidence to back these things up but my weight would impact how well the drugs worked. I had a BMI of 29 so not drastically overweight but still not ideal, I then went on a diet and tried to lose what I could before my first cycle. 

I really struggled with losing the weight and despite adhering strictly to a healthy low cal diet I just couldn't drop any weight, I went back to the GP to ask about my thyroid as it could be holding me back still, she assured me it was all fine and that my TSH was 7.8 which was fine.  

We chose our IVF clinic and went to see our consultant for the first time in April, it was at this meeting that we took our hardest blow, although at this point I was only 31 years old I was told that I had a very low AMH and that it would be unlikely that I would produce many eggs. I was distraught and was convinced that by this point I would never have a baby, I started to really look into adoption and try and reassure myself that we could be a family despite the bleak future that lay ahead.  

I scoured the internet for success stories of women with low AMH levels and although reassuring I was just convinced that it would not happen for me. So we prepared for a short flare cycle of IVF (menopur and cetrotide) most likely ICSI because of the limited eggs I was able to produce. I was terrified of the injections and worried that I would be emotionally unstable. 

Work were brilliant. I am a teacher and my head teacher was fantastic - he agreed a full 3 weeks off work and told me that sometimes things were more important that work. I know I am lucky to work in such an understanding place. I overcame the injections and started this first cycle.  I even started to enjoy the injections, I know it sounds weird but it was the start of the journey and that was important to me.  

When I went back to the clinic for my first follicle scan I was so excited and unfortunately I had only managed to stimulate 2 eggs, I was devastated. They told me it would be best to stop this cycle and start again with a much higher dose of menopur. They even said I should pay for this cycle so far in order to preserve the NHS funding for an entire run.  

I really lost it after this appointment. I'm not sure if it was the drugs or just me but I cried for a week. I found it very hard to drag myself out of my funk but I got there in the end. I went back to work and saw the clinic counsellor to help me process the disappointment. I read a lot, and went for a lot of acupuncture to prepare myself and relax properly.  

I saw my consultant to debrief over the failed cycle and I mentioned my struggle to lose more weight and my 7.8 TSH he told me that he would not be willing to start the next cycle unless my TSH was under 2! He said that 7.8 was too high and would not lend itself to conception. I felt very betrayed by my GP and straight away fought for more thyroxine, my consultant told me to up my meds myself and he would write to my GP and insist my thyroxine was raised. The day before my next cycle I tested at 0.2 and felt a lot more confident that my thyroid was in a better place and I had managed to lose a bit of weight.  

I started the next cycle in July (summer holidays, very convenient) and so I never ended up taking any time off
work! My clinic insists on you drinking a litre of milk a day because of the growth hormones, I struggled with this as I would rather do more injections than drink milk but I managed with milk shakes, yogurt, ice cream and de caff lattes - which they said was fine.

I carried on with acupuncture throughout the cycle, I did a lot of visualisation and breathing exercises. I also drank pineapple juice and ate brazil nuts for good measure! This time I was producing a few more eggs it was looking like I might get 5, which for me would have been a huge success! On the day of the egg collection I got 6 eggs and could have cracked champagne, if I had been drinking, in celebration! I was a complete baby about the cannula for the general anaesthetic which was the most painful thing in the whole cycle and was still not that bad. I cried the whole time before I went to theatre because I was so full of hormones and worry. I never knew I would be a crier!  

We went home praying that we would fertilise well and that they would be fighters. They called later that night to tell us 5 had fertilised and were looking good!

After 3 days 4 were still in play but a leader had not yet emerged ( I was told under no circumstances would they allow 2 embryos to go back as I was high risk for twins due to my age.)  

On day 5 we woke up and we knew if they didn't call we had to go to the clinic for the transfer, I phoned anyway as without confirmation there was anything to transfer I was a bag of nerves. They told me I had one excellent 5b embryo that they thought looked great.  

We had the transfer which was over in a flash, seeing the blast on the screen was amazing. Then I slowly went mad for 11 days waiting.

The only symptom I had was some very sharp cramps. I tested a day early as I could not stand the tension anymore. I carried on having acupuncture throughout again however keeping zen was getting harder as the date of the test was getting closer.  

Well, I tested and it was positive!

I was still a bag of nerves for the first 12 weeks and we paid for a few private scans to keep me from complete madness. My pregnancy was smooth and I loved every second.  

Baby William was born at 40+3. It was a difficult forceps birth but I would do it all again tomorrow.  

William is 9 weeks old and we are trying again for number 2 hoping it will come without IVF this time as my thyroid is correct. If not we will save for more IVF as I would love another one."

Alex and James thank you so much for sharing your journey.

Thank you for reading

If you would like to share your story as part of this series please email me at chelenic@live.co.uk

Love Chele

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Infertility Hope and Inspiration: Mrs W's Story of Poor Ovarian Reserve, Tragic Loss and a Miracle....

Beautiful W holding his daddy's hand at a few days old
"We found out very quickly after trying for just a few months that we would need to have IVF, to say we were gutted is an understatement!! I suffer with what is called a poor ovarian reserve, which basically means I have a very low amount of eggs left.

We decided to start ASAP, so booked our cycle straight away. We were amazed and delighted that on our first go we were pregnant! I had some early complications but by 12 weeks everything had settled and we were starting to feel a little more confident. Sadly I just got to reach 20 weeks when our baby boy was born, our hearts literally broke in 2. I can't begin to explain the sadness that we felt and honestly will feel forever. He was perfect...

Although part of me really didn't want to we decided that we would try IVF again, it was tougher going emotionally then the first cycle, I'm not sure if that has any connection to our result, which was negative. Those 2 week waits were the hardest!!

So, now we thought maybe third time lucky! Let's give it another go. We started our next cycle in the November.

We found out the week before Christmas that we were pregnant. We were so happy! I went to our clinic for the regular checks and was told yes indeed all was ok, they wanted me to go back for further tests just to check my hormone levels a few days later, to cut a long story short they called me the day before Christmas Eve to say that my pregnancy was not progressing as it should and that I would have a miscarriage within 12 weeks. That Christmas is a total blur. I ended up waiting for 8 weeks to miscarry. It was emotionally exhausting.

By this point I was desperate, so we booked our 4th IVF cycle, we wanted to wait a few months so decided we would get away from our life and take a much needed holiday. We had an amazing long weekend in New York, we really relaxed and enjoyed ourselves, I actually got drunk for the first time in 2 years (as I'd given up drinking for the IVF!) and when we got back home, I was anxiously waiting for my period to come so we could get cracking with our 4th IVF cycle, and, it never came!!!

32 weeks later our beautiful baby boy was born, he arrived 8 weeks early and was so
Gorgeous W at 8.5 months
tiny, but 8 and a half months later he's a bouncing, healthy, happy little boy....

Never ever give up on something you can't go a day, a minute or even a second without thinking about.... "

Thank you honey for sharing your story.

Love Chele
xx

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

Infertility Hope and Inspiration : Mrs B's Story of Loss, IVF, PGD

DH and me met when I was 17, he was 18. Who knew those two naive kids would face so much pain.

"I fell pregnant at 24, we were so happy. At 18wks, we found out the baby had cystic fibrosis, during a scan the scanographer also mentioned the babies bones were all deformed. We were devestated. At 20wks we lost our little boy. We named him Callum, to us he was perfect.
The hospital sent his and our DNA to a clinic in France & it was discovered he also had hypophosphastasia, the perinatel kind, which our baby, had he reached full term would never have survived the birth, if he did he wouldn't last much longer. Both DH and I were carriers.
So, during this pregnancy we discovered we were carriers of two genetic disorders and our chance of having a healthy baby naturally were slim.

The following year I fell pregnant again, at 11wks we had the CVS test and discovered our little girl was affected by both conditions again. Devestated. We chose to end the pregnancy, I simply could not face having to give birth again to a baby that would not survive, the first time nearly broke me. A "friend" was very vocal telling me she was disgusted at our decision, this broke my heart, my little girl would die either being born or within hours after, why couldn't she understand this?

After a year, I spoke to my doctor, advised I wanted to try this PGD the hospital consultant had spoke about. The wheels where set in motion.
When I was 28 we were contacted by Care Fertility, they advised they could do PGD but had never tested for hypophosphastasia, but their other clinic in Chicago would create a test using our DNA for us. Wow. I was thrilled, kept thinking within a year we will have out baby. How wrong was I.
It took Genysis (Chicago) a year to develop a test for both our conditions, then the tests had to go to court for the governing bodies to agree for us to have this performed on embryos. This took a further 10 months.
In January 2010 we were given the green light. We started the IVF medication in February, had EC and our embryos were tested. Unfortunately as this was the first time Care had tested for hypophosphastasia it took them longer and we missed the chance for a fresh transfer. From this cycle we had 6 healthy embryos!
In April we had FET, 1 embryo defrosted and transferred. Unfortunately it was a BFN, we also lost DHs mum. Tough times.
September - 2 defrosted, 1 survived and transferred. BFN
November - 3 defrosted, 1 survived and transferred. BFN
I can't explain how I felt, I just kept thinking I can get pregnant naturally but not through this????? Didn't make sense to me.
Moving on to cycle 2, in 2011 we gave it another go, and in march we found that we only had 1 healthy embryo from this cycle, but we were in time for a fresh cycle. 2 weeks later after the transfer I tested, BFP! Within an hour I was bleeding, not heavy and not enough to cause the clinic concern but I knew, I just knew it was all over. My HCG levels were tested by my EPU and were rising but not doubling. Care gave me a scan at 7 weeks, it was confirmed it was all over and my HCG levels were decreasing. Waiting to miscarry and pass my baby, as to me it WAS a baby was awful. But I survived, like I always do.
We were SO lucky our NHS PCT agreed to fund a third cycle, so after a holiday relaxing in Jamaica I was ready to start again.
Started the drugs at the end of September, we had 3 healthy embryos. I had the "strongest" embryo transferred, BFN AGAIN!
FFS I was ready to throw it all in, I can't to this again I kept saying, I'm just not strong enough.
After Xmas, I kept thinking of those 2 embryos and I decided I had to give them a chance.
I remember these dates so clearly, 16th February 2012 I had 1 thawed and transferred, 29th February I tested and it was BFP. I can't say I was ecstatic, I was happy dont get me wrong but I was also petrified. So so scared it would happen again.
My GP was amazing, he knew my history and signed me off work until I was 9wks pregnant!
I had 2 scans at Care, one at 6wks and another at 8wks. They were amazing too, agreeing to scan me earlier than normal and again 2wks later. They were all so happy for us, I really do believe they felt our pains and our joy during our journey. Anyway, back to my pregnancy, I couldn't relax, I ended up at our EPU twice just for reassurance scans! One at 9wks and another at 11wks. We had to have the CVS test too, even with the PGD as the percentage of misdiagnosis was 5%. That was came back clear and we found out it was a little boy. Still couldn't relax, had another scan at 14wks and again at 15!
At our 20wk scan we were told baby was perfect but my placenta was covering the cervix - complete placenta previa, they told me it would move by 30wks and to come for another scan. No biggie I thought, we can do this.
30wks, saw a young consultant, he was very reassuring, saying still covering but will definately move no need to worry. Fair enough. I had to go back at 35wks for another scan to check the placenta, this time the lady consultant was furious, I apparently should have been under hospital supervision since 20wks due to the placenta, it still hadn't moved, she wanted me to go straight to the maternity unit and stay there until the baby arrived. I said no chance I was TOO busy lol! I agreed to go into hospital at 36wks on the promise if there was any bleeding I would go in straight away. Baby was booked in for a csection at 38wks. I was told I could not under any circumstances have a natural birth, too risky. If labour started or any bleeding apparently only one of us would likely survive. Wow, it then sunk in exactly how dangerous this was.
Those 2wks in hospital were the longest ever, watching women come in and leave with their baby within 1 or two days, I was DESPERATE to meet my little man.
The day before my csection, the doctors came, measured me for surgery socks, ordered my blood incase a transfusion was required (I'm rhesus negative) and I signed consent forms.
The next morning I was so excited, was up and ready to go by 5 haha, DH arrived at 7 and we were taken to the labour ward at 9.
At 10:01 my little prince was delivered, a 7lb 9oz bundle of gorgeousness! I fell completely head over heels in love.
There were complications with me following the surgery but I won't go into that.
Sorry it's so long winded, I didn't want to miss out anything.
I'm so in love with this little man, he's my entire world, the love of my life and I worship him.
I don't know if I will use the other embryo, I feel so blessed and fortunate to have Finlay I think I should quit whilst I'm ahead. But that's something me and DH really need to discuss.

But miracles really do happen, all those obstacles we crossed, all the heartache and tears, they were totally worth it.
Infertility covers a wide spectrum and all I have to say is :
You did NOT win, you did NOT beat me.
I am strong and I'm a survivor and I am the proud mummy of the most precious little boy. "


EDIT:
If you would like to chat with Mrs B you can find her on Twitter @FinlayBsMummy

thank you so much for sharing honey

Love Chele
xx

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Introduction to "Infertility: Stories of Hope and Inspiration"

When I started recording video diaries of our IVF journey on YouTube I had no idea if one person or 10 people would even bother to watch them. Obviously at that time we have no idea where that journey would take us and what hurdles we would meet along the way. I just figured, whatever way our story went, if sharing it could help even one person then it had to be shared.

I am so incredibly shocked at the amount of people that have watched my videos of our journey over the last few years through 3 IVF ICSI cycles, our missed/silent miscarriage   ,our twin pregnancy, and these days videos with Gracie and Alfie in them and the zillion pictures I put on Instagram each day! (Oh and the random make up/haul vids and tags just for a bit if fun) but I am incredibly humbled and grateful at the friends I have made along the way and the amazing, strong people who have shared their stories with me, opened their hearts to me in messages, acted as cheerleaders to us, asked questions and advice, and offered perspective and encouragement even through their own battles.


Our journey led us to be incredibly blessed with these amazing little people Gracie and Alfie who rock our world every single day. Not a day goes by even now at almost 13 months where we are not pinching ourselves, astonished that they are really here, our beautiful babies.  Though that path I realise wasn't just a path to our wonderful children but a path to all of the incredible people that would touch our lives along the way. Our journey lead is to Gracie and Alfie but it also lead us to lifelong friends to cherish, stories to capture our hearts and to humble us every day. 


I am so grateful to each and every person who has contacted me in one way of another with words of encouragement, stories of hope, and congratulations. To those who not only took the time to watch the videos, but took further time to offer kind words of any way that our story, our journey may have offered them any hope, inspiration or encouragement. That was always the intention so to hear it had reached someone's heart and lifted them or given them hope means the world to me.

Because of this and as a tribute to the incredible people I have "met" I have decided to start a series here on my blog " Infertility: Stories of Hope and Inspiration".

I have reached out to all the people in my networks who I consider my friends and asked them if they would like to share their stories in this series. I am truly overwhelmed at the response I have had so far and so have decided this will be a weekly series whereby I will upload one story each week. 


It is just incredible the amount of people who have said "I will share my story, even if it can help one person........" Exactly where my YouTube diary started a whole world ago. 

I am already crying my eyes out reading the first 3 stories I have been sent. I will be stocking up on tissues.

If you would like to include your story in this series please email me atchelenic@live.co.uk

To all of you, sincerely, thank you.

Love Chele 

Monday, June 30, 2014

Tried and Tested: Cheeky Wipes, A review - 1 Year 2 Bottoms


The Full Kit
As a mummy to one year old boy/girl twins I feel pretty qualified to now talk about Cheeky Wipes.
We have used these since Gracie and Alfie were just a few weeks old so I think it's safe to say that over the past year they have been put through the ringer.

From my very first use of the Cheeky Wipes I wanted to jump on here and write a rave review about them. I have sung their praises many times on twitter etc but I wanted to give them a really good go to see how they faired over a longer period and if my feelings would remain the same. 

A year later and I'm still raving about them!

Honestly when I bought them I had concerns over if I could get hubby on board with them too, would he find it a bit yucky? He was dubious but from the very first use he declared how much better they were than wipes "and they don't stick together and 10 come out of the packet at the same time". This is my absolute pet hate about disposable wipes, I haven't met a pack yet where I can just neatly remove one at a time - such a waste!

So with this topic I can't avoid the inevitable.... Let's talk about poo.

I love that with Cheeky Wipes I can literally clean a regular poop with 1 cheeky wipe, well ok 2 if it's a bad explosion or maybe even 3 if it's an up the back jobbie or a "jumperpoo" as we like to call them here (you know the poo that happens in the jumperoo and travels upwards with each bounce). But that's nothing compared to the 7 baby wipes I would have used to smear the poop around quite a bit plus to at least quadruple that which came out the packet while I was trying to get one.

I have been there, the messiest of nappies trying to wrestle with a pack of wipes whilst trying to keep one-desperate-to-crawl-off-covered-in-poo baby pinned to the floor whilst keeping little hands from reaching the poop whilst trying to stop the other desperate-to-investigate baby from also getting in the business too! Baby wipes sticking together so that I have to wave my one free hand about like a loon trying to separate the wipes (come one now don't pretend you don't do this, what you wanted to get 7 wipes out?!)

Practical, simple and easy to use, that's all I ask for. I'm pleased to share with you that this is what I get with Cheeky Wipes.

I initially bought two complete sets thinking we would keep one downstairs and one upstairs but I actually found it easier just to rotate the two boxes wash one and use one so that I rarely ran out unless I had poorly bubbas or something and ran behind with my washing hence occasionally reverting to baby wipes.

So in a set you get:


  • 25 - Lovely soft  cloth baby wipes, 15 cm x 15 cm choose from cotton terry, 'Ultimate' cotton & cotton velour or microfibre ( I opted for terry)
  • 'Single-Clip' Fresh Baby Wipes container
  • 'Single-Clip' Mucky Baby Wipes container - with mesh bag insert
  • Cheeky Wipes Fresh Baby Wipes waterproof out and about travel bag
  • Cheeky Wipes Mucky Baby Wipes waterproof out and about travel bag - with mesh bag insert
  • 10 ml bottle of Fresh Baby Wipes Essential Oil Blend - choose from Lavender & Chamomile, Mandarin & teatree or Rose & Rose Geranium
  • 10 ml bottle of Tea Tree & Tea Tree Lemon Mucky Baby Wipes Essential Oil Blend 

  • The mesh bag inside the mucky box
    I opted for the terry wipes. They are thinner than terry that u would have in say a face cloth or a towel. You can also get microfibre which I have yet to try.

    I love the scent of the oils that you use with each box particularly the one for the mucky box it's lovely and fresh.

    You do get a little mesh drawstring bag that sits inside the mucky box with the purpose that you can lift it out and throw the entire bag and mucky contents into the wash. This admittedly I have struggled with and think it could be designed slightly better. You have to loop the drawstring over some little hooks on each corner of the box and I tried and tried with this but found that I was just faffing and fiddling each time I was trying to make up my fresh boxes and it drive me crazy (ain't no twin mumma got time for that) so I now just use the box without the drawstring bag. In my opinion it would be better if the hooks where almost closed off and you had to clip the drawstring in each corner. This would hold each corner and save one (or more) corners popping out of place while you are trying to secure another corner. 
    The hook on the corner of the mucky box
    One other foible I found (I don't want to say "problem" as I don't have any real "problem" with these but I do like to be totally honest and upfront)  I guess after a good few months of use the rubber inner seal in one of my fresh wipes box popped out so now each time I open the box I'm fiddling and faffing trying to pop that back in too otherwise the box doesn't close properly. I guess I will just have to get some glue out to secure it in place so it's not exactly a big issue. The pros of using them far out weigh any nuisances I have encountered.

    Another great thing about these is that when you wash them you don't even need to wait for them to dry if you will be boxing them up and using them straight away you can just pop them in the box with a small amount of water and the oil and you're all set. This is useful especially if you have one box. Just make sure you wash and dry them I guess every few washes.

    So after a year of using the wipes on a boy bot and a girl bot I would certainly say we have vigorously road tested them and we still LOVE them. Hubby too, if he had to choose between baby wipes and Cheeky Wipes he would opt for Cheeky every time. On the rare occasion we have used wet wipes I guarantee you will hear exclamations of "ahhhhhh these blinkin things!" (Or perhaps slightly less polite).

    I have just read that they have started selling Cheeky Mama cloths - reusable sanitary protection. I would LOVE to try these! I would love to try the weaning kits too! (oops I shouldn't be perusing their website right now!)

    I have also noticed they are having a flash sale so here is the link if you would like to have a look: quick thought it ends 1st July!! http://www.cheekywipes.com/blog/cheeky-wipes-flash-sale-25-percent-discount.html

    Have you tried Cheeky Wipes or Cheeky Mama? what are your thoughts?

    Sunday, June 22, 2014

    Buddies and Bikini Lines

    I think I may have found a friend today?
    Here on camp as people only live here for around 3-5 years there is a group for selling unwanted items. You get a certain allowance for shipping your belongings back to the UK and it's pretty minuscule. For that reason also we didn't bring our sofas out here with us (they are in storage in the Uk. We were going to buy a new sofa out here but as my mum pointed out that's probably not the most sensible decision while Gracie and Alfie are small, better to buy something you don't mind getting little people paw prints on/them building forts with the cushions/ or using as a trampoline ;0) . Then we could leave that one here/sell it in when we return to the UK. So looking on the selling group I found a sofa that looked like it fit the bill today and asked the lady of I could come and see it.
    Off Gracie, Alfie and I strolled in the heat about 20 minutes away.
    On arrival we were ushered in and offered drinks, she said take the babies out of the pushchair and let them play around. I said I didn't want to impose but she was so friendly. They had the cutest little 3 year old girl and a gorgeous little dog. Their little girl was immediately besotted with Gracie and Alfie and Gracie was immediately besotted with the dog (as was I!).
    We got chatting and were probably there for an hour or more. Their little dog completely in love with Gracie in particular kissing and cuddling her and so so gentle it was beautiful to watch. Gracie was giggling away at her.
    The potential friend (is that the right way to put it??! Hahah) was really nice also very enamoured with Gracie and Alfie, playing with them as if she were an old family friend, making them laugh etc (this is perhaps the most important thing to me, I want my friends to adore my babies- as my friends do! ) I realise that may sound strange but apart from my family I feel very blessed that in the UK we have such wonderful friends who love our babies so much and take such interest in them.
    I also realise that this is starting to sound like when someone lines up a potential date hahha but weirdly that's kinda what it is like. I have a difficult time trusting women, I'm not one for bitchiness and gossip I just like genuine people. I wear my heart on my sleeve and have a tendency to get pooped on. Coming out here I was determined I would not let that happen, leaving behind such amazing friends back home (you know who you are) made me realise that there are people out there with the same values and ideals and who would treat me as I would treat them. So these days I like to hang back a bit and suss people out before I get involved.
    So we were chatting and playing with dogs and babies and seemed to have a lot in common. She said she was going to the beach tomorrow and would we like to go too. In my resolve to say "yes" more and not turn down opportunities because of my anxiety I said we would love to. So potential friend said her friend is picking her up in the morning and she will knock here on the way. "There will be a few of the girls going so you can meet them", she said.  Ah, the clanger,  the game changer, the stuff of fear.
    So now I'm even more nervous than I was. So I know that she seems nice, but what are the others like? Will they judge my "hippy" ways? Will they question why I'm still Breastfeeding? Why I don't want to have a night out and be apart from my babies? Why we co-sleep? Think I'm a weirdo for baby wearing etc etc.
    I thought being married and out of the dating game anxieties over dates were long gone now it anxieties over play dates!!!
    As I was packing our beach bag and getting ready tomorrow it even crossed my mind "oh no I need to do my bikini line!!!" So what? Now I even have to worry about my bikini line for play dates too hahaha. This whole date/play date analogy just got serious.
    So, as I'm getting ready for bed I'm thinking about that cute lil dog (who I offered to look after if they are away, obviously!) and feeling nervous, like I'm walking onto the lions den in a freakin bikini! first dates are hard enough but a first play date in a bikini which is like practically your underwear, can u get any more vulnerable? Will they like me, will I like them, will they judge me, will they think I'm a freak, a weirdo, an idiot?
    Oh and I don't think we want this sofa, I'm going to hold out for a grey one.
    Do other mummies have these thoughts when trying to make mummy friends?
    I'm off to shave my legs, Veet my bikini line and quickly paint over the 4 week old chipped nail polish on my toes.......

    Saturday, June 14, 2014

    For My Husband On Fathers Day

     It's 23:15 on the eve of Father's Day.
    I'm working on some last minute gifts for Andy from Gracie and Alfie tomorrow.
    With all the chaos of moving and getting set up here in Cyprus this day has come around much quicker than I realised.
    I'm sat here whilst Andy,Gracie and Alfie are asleep. I am watching them on the monitor.I'm trying to gather my thoughts to write something special to my husband for Father's Day.
    Watching my husband and our precious children all snuggled and sleeping as my inspiration for writing this.

    With tears in my eyes and a heart fit to burst try as I might I simply cannot find the words.
    How do I translate what this man does with his heart every day?
    I have had the privilege of watching this amazing man become the father he never knew he would be.
    I have had the pleasure of seeing every moment of sheer love and joy he has had with our babies for the past 1 year and 11 days. That is 1 year and 11 days my husband has held our babies,  loved them and laughed with them and yet every day it's is like he is seeing them and holding them for the first time.
    The happiness and love in this mans heart knows no bounds.
    The love that he has for our diddy people makes my heart melt daily. As soon as his eyes open in the morning they are drawn to the diddies laying between us and a light is turned on that is met by a smile.
    I didn't have a very good example of what a father should be but I know one thing, Gracie and Alfie are so lucky and this amazing man will make sure they know how much they are loved, how clever they are, how beautiful they are. By his example they will know joy, love, happiness, silliness, courage, determination and strength. They will know how to be brave, how to be kind, how to be loyal. They will also know of health and well being by his example. He will show them how hard work pays off and how to always do the best they can and take pride in everything they do. His laughter and smile will warm their hearts (as it does mine) and dry their tears. They will know their daddy is there for them and that he always will be.
    When we married we never knew where our path would take us. Yet I always knew this man would be an amazing father. I'm so proud and grateful in so so many ways that I get to ride sidecar with him on this amazing adventure and watch him be that father every day.

    So it's not a poem. It's not an expensive gift. The gifts I give him tomorrow are handmade with anything I could get my hands on locally while most of our belongings are in shipment. The greatest gifts we could have hoped for arrived 1 year and 11 days ago, these two little miracles that made him a father. He holds these gifts in his arms every day and will hold them in his heart forever.

    To my husband on this Father's Day. I love you and I am so so proud.